Ethel The Frog

  • Ask Ethel: Why No Fitness Centers in the 1950′s?

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    September 5th, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, Health and Wellness, History, Humor
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    Dear Ethel,

    I am 80-years-old . . . pardon me, 80-years-young!

    Everywhere I go today I see these “fitness centers” and “Gold’s Gym” and so on and so forth, on what seems like every block of the city.  I look through the window of these places and I see these miserable young people running on these treadmill things and using these elipsical machines or whatever the hell they are.

    When I was a young man – back in the 1950′s – we didn’t have these “fitness centers”; however, we seemed to stay more fit and trim that the youth I see loitering around today.

    Why do you think this is?


    Answer:

    For all your travel needs, go to Kitty Malone Travel.

    Hotels, flights, cruises, car rentals, road trips, destination guides, etc.


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  • Ask Ethel: Today’s Question is About “ObamaCare”

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    September 4th, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, Health and Wellness, Humor
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    Dear Ethel,

    I live in the United States.  I am confused about all this new healthcare reform stuff.  How can I tell if my employer has changed over to President Obama’s new healthcare program?

    Answer:

    These are the key indicators:

    • Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
    • Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
    • The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudge or Orange popsicles
    • The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
    • The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “an apple a day.”
    • Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
    • “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” is not a typographical error.
    • The only expense covered 100% is “Embalming.”
    • Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.
    • You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
    Please submit your questions to Ethel@EthelTheFrog.com.


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    • Ask Ethel: Today’s Question is About Raincoats

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      September 3rd, 2010EthelCosta Rica, Humor
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      Dear Ethel,

      It has been raining quite a bit here in Costa Rica lately.  Today, I saw several people wearing raincoats (or “slickers”, as I’ve heard them sometimes referred to).  I’ve noticed that these raincoats are usually bright yellow in color.  Why is that?


      Ethel’s Answer:

      Next question, please. (Submit your questions to Ethel@EthelTheFrog.com).


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    • Iceland Football Celebration

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      July 28th, 2010EthelHumor, Sports
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      If you’re not one of the almost two million people who have viewed this on YouTube, here is the famous Iceland Football Celebration.

      When Halldor Orri scored a great goal he decided to go fishing and catch his mate Johann Laxdal or “Johann the salmon”. The game was Stjarnan against Fylkir in the top league in Iceland and the goal was the winning goal in extra time.


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    • Bad Tats!

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      June 28th, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, Humor
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      A few days ago, I published a post all about tattoos (http://www.ethelthefrog.com/?p=3556).

      Today, I want to show you some really bad tattoos.

      If I had the chance to talk to these people, I would be very interested in hearing the answer to these questions:

      1. What were you thinking?
      2. Any regrets?

      Bad Tats – free slideshow



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    • Jokes About Old People

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      June 7th, 2010EthelHumor
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      Why is it okay to make jokes about elderly people?

      It’s politically incorrect to make jokes about African Americans (unless you’re black), or Mexicans (unless you’re Mexican), or Jews (unless you’re Jewish) . . . however, the elderly are fair game for anyone, of any age.

      Why?

      The only reason I can think of is that we are all going to be old (whereas, we’re not all going to become black or Mexican or Polish or whatever).  I guess it’s okay to make fun of your own kind . . .

      Anyway, I received these old folks jokes today, from an old guy I know.  They’re pretty funny, so I thought I’d pass them on:

      The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

      His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

      As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up . . . He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door’.

      He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’

      She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires

      An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

      He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

      The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’

      The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’

      Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:  ’Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’

      Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’

      ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’

      ‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’

      An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

      The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’

      The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

      The first man thought and thought and finally said,  ’What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know . . . The one that’s red and has thorns.’

      ‘Do you mean a rose?’

      ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

      Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

      However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

      After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

      On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

      ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

      A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

      During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

      Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

      ‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’

      ‘Sure..’

      ‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

      ‘No, I can remember it.’

      ‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’

      He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

      ‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

      Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’

      Then he toddles into the kitchen.

      After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

      She stares at the plate for a moment.

      ‘Where’s my toast ?’

      A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:  ’So I hear you’re getting married?’

      ‘Yep!’

      ‘Do I know her?’

      ‘Nope!’

      ‘This woman, is she good looking?’

      ‘Not really.’

      ‘Is she a good cook?’

      ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

      ‘Does she have lots of money?’

      ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

      ‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

      ‘I don’t know.’

      ‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

      ‘Because she can still drive!’

      Three old guys are out walking.

      First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’

      Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’

      Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’

      A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’

      ‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’

      ‘Twelve thirty’.

      Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

      A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

      A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

      Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

      The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

      A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

      After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

      The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

      ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’


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    • The iPad Pad

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      June 7th, 2010EthelHumor, Technology
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      Awesome!


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    • Funny Photos, Etc.

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      May 7th, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, History, Humor
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      Today, my good friend, Doug from Calgary, posed this question to me: “Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone that takes pictures these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to”?

      Then, coincidently, someone else sent me a few good reasons to have a cell phone camera with you at all times:

      Okay, here’s one that I, no doubt, will be chastised by Dr. Fegg about (and receive plenty of emails and comments).  These are actual police mug shots:

      All I’m going to say is that if anyone can send me (ethel@ethelthefrog.com) a real mug shot of someone wearing a Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Nixon, Dole,  . . . Eisenhower? shirt, button or sticker . . . I will send you a free Ethel The Frog t-shirt.  (Send me a mug shot of someone wearing an Ethel The Frog t-shirt and I’ll send you two shirts and a hat!)

      To conclude, I’ll share a history lesson I received from another reader, today.  I don’t know if this is true, but it sounds good:

      There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hanged.

      The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ”ONE LAST DRINK”.

      If he said YES it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD.

      If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.

      And . . .

      They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.  But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot. They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.

      I’d better stop there . . . if I say something “offensive”, Dr. Fegg may fire me and then I won’t have a pot to piss in!


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    • Okay, I Apologize . . . But Look At This!

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      May 6th, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, Humor, Politics, Sports
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      Dr. Fegg, although we don’t always agree, I can find some “common ground” in your guest post on my blog (http://www.ethelthefrog.com/?p=3252).  You make some valid points  . . . and I want to especially apologize for posting the less-than-flattering photo of President Obama, as well as the “illegal alien” protester photo . . . it constituted unacceptable “link baiting”. (However, Dr. Fegg, please take a look at the number of visitors that come to this blog every day . . . thousands of people seem to like what I post.  At very least, I provide some “food for thought” and a bit of entertainment from time-to-time).

      Anyway, here’s some of the interesting things that found their way into my in-box, today:

      Now, think about this one.  A 25-year-old “entrepreneur” gunned down in New Orleans.  What kind of entrepreneur was this guy? . . . did he have a little drug business going on or what.  Maybe, but I think the (potentially politically incorrect) answer is simpler than that:  He had three sons and six daughters (remember, he was 25).  That’s nine welfare recipients at $1,500 per month.  Leaving aside food stamps, free healthcare, free school lunches, etc. , this entrepreneur could have been pulling down a minimum of $162,000 per year!  Now, I could be way off base . . . he could be an Internet marketing entrepreneur, or have his own chain of luxury resorts . . . I don’t know, but it just struck me as a little unusual that he was called an “entrepreneur” in his obituary. . . And why was his nickname “Flair”?  Maybe he liked to sniff markers . . . or maybe he just had a flair about him . . . it’s fun to speculate.  (I refuse to make any comment on the names given to the deceased’s unfortunate daughters).

      Okay, now you can “cleanse your palate”, before I move on, with this cute family photo:

      Next, I found this on the NBC Miami Web site:

      Suspicious Package: TSA Worker Jailed After Junk Joke

      MIA worker assaults colleague who made crack at genitalia after walk through machine.

      Perhaps the new airport body scanners are a bit too revealing.

      A TSA worker in Miami was arrested for aggravated battery after police say he attacked a colleague who’d made fun of his small genitalia after he walked through one of the new high-tech security scanners during a recent training session.

      Rolando Negrin, 44, was busted for assault after things got ugly at Miami International Airport between Negrin and some of his fellow Transportation Security Administration workers on Tuesday.

      Sources say Negrin stepped into the machine during the training session and became embarrassed and angry when a supervisor started cracking jokes about his manhood, made visible by the new machine.

      According to the police report, Negron confronted one of his co-workers in an employee parking lot, where he hit him with a police baton on the arm and back.

      “[Negron] then told victim to kneel down and say ‘your sorry,’” the report reads. “Victim stated he was in fear and complied with [Negron].”

      Negron was arrested the next day when he arrived for work. He told police he had been made fun of by coworkers on a daily basis.

      “[Negron] stated he could not take the jokes anymore and lost his mind,” the report reads.

      Negrin was arrested and booked into Miami-Dade County Jail. His arrest photo (above) shows him wearing his blue TSA shirt at the time of the arrest.

      The attack may be the first piece of proof that the new scanners may be leaving too little to the imagination.

      The $170,000 machines, which were introduced last year, took some heat from fliers who weren’t quite ready to show their bod to government employees.

      But if this latest incident is any indication, the scanners sound like good news for anti-terrorism and bad news for less-than-average men.

      _______________________________________________________________

      Now, here’s the latest scores in the second round of the NHL playoffs:

      Most note-worthy is the 7 to 1 trouncing of Detroit over San Jose (despite the fact that San Jose leads the series 3 games to 1).  In tonight’s game, Johan Franzen (Detroit) scored a “natural hat trick” in the first period of the game.  A “natural hat trick” is when a player scores three goals in a row, without any intervening goals by either his own or the opposing team.  This doesn’t happen very often!  So, if you were lucky enough to see the game tonight, you saw something equivalent to Haley’s Comet.

      (Even more rare is a short-handed natural hat trick, when a player scores three goals in a row, each time while his team is short-handed – in other words, has a player in the penalty box).

      On October 17, 2008, Zach Harrison of the Minnesota State University Mavericks recorded a shorthanded natural hat trick against the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux. Harrison scored the three consecutive short handed goals over a span of 29:54. According to the Hockey Hall of Fame, they were not sure that this feat had ever been accomplished before, and have since put Harrison’s stick on display at the Hockey Hall of Fame. However, C.J. Young of Harvard is believed to have accomplished a shorthanded natural hat trick in 1988 against Dartmouth.

      On December 4, 2009, Neil Musselwhite of the State University of New York at Oswego Lakers recorded a shorthanded natural hat trick against the State University of New York at Brockport Golden Eagles.  Musselwhite scored the goals over a span of just 2:59 towards the end of the second period, and the beginning of the third period. Musselwhite netted 4 total goals in the game en route to a 10-1 Oswego victory.  This was the first shorthanded natural hat trick in the history of Division III Men’s ice hockey.

      On April 20, 2010, Matt Calvert of the WHL’s Brandon Wheat Kings scored a natural short handed hat trick in a span of 6:47 against the Calgary Hitmen. This feat was accomplished during game 3 of the Wheat Kings Hitmen WHL Eastern Conference final.  Calgary went on to win the game 6-3.

      On April 24, 2010, Scott Timmins of the OHL’s Windsor Spitfires scored a natural hat trick against the Kitchener Rangers during game 6 of the OHL Western Conference final. The final score was 6-4, in favour of Windsor.

      Tonight, May 6, 2010, history was made again, when Johan Franzen of the Red Wings, scored a natural hat trick against the San Jose Sharks.  Get this: Franzen was, at first, thought to have scored the games first four goals, but the first goal was reviewed and credited to Todd Bertuzzi.  Had Franzen actually scored a natural hat trick plus one (there isn’t even a name for it), it would have probably been a record that would never be broken in the NHL.  (Franzen, did later score a fourth goal in the game; however, in the interim, goals were scored by other players – still, an unbelievable feat for Frazen).


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    • Dr. Laura

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      April 22nd, 2010EthelCurrent Affairs, Entertainment, Humor
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      This has apparently been circulating around the Internet for several years; however, I just read it for the first time, today, and thought it was entertaining enough to pass along.

      (First, some background:

      Laura Catherine Schlessinger (“Dr. Laura”) (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her call-in radio program occasionally features short monologues on social and political topics, but is mostly made up of her responses to callers’ requests for personal advice.

      Schlessinger’s answers have been variously characterized as direct, wise, to-the-point, abrupt and cruel. Her website says that her show “preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics.”

      Previously, Schlessinger combined a local radio career with a private practice as a marriage and family counselor, but since going national she has concentrated her efforts on the daily syndicated The Dr. Laura Program, and on authoring self-help books. A television talk show was launched in 2000, but it was short-lived.  The Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands are among her bestselling works.

      It has always been my opinion that Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a sanctimonious, self-righteous, hypocritical, bitter woman.  More about Dr. Laura, later in this post).

      Anyway, to get back to my story . . . During her radio show, Dr Laura said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

      The following is purportedly an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the Internet.  Legitimate or not, I think it’s pretty funny:

      Dear Dr. Laura:

      Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law.

      I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

      When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination . . . End of debate.

      I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

      1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

      2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

      3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

      4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

      5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

      6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

      7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

      8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

      9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

      10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

      I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

      Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

      Your adoring fan,

      James M. Kauffman
      Ed.D. Professor Emeritus
      Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
      University of Virginia

      This is what Snopes.com says about the Dr. Laura/letter response story:

      We first ran into this letter in the online world in May 2000, just after the state of Vermont permitted homosexual couples to contract “civil unions,” an official recognition that imparted to same-sex partners the legal benefits of marriage, such as the right to be regarded by hospitals as their partners’ next of kin, to make medical decisions on behalf of their partners, and to file joint tax returns. This “everything that is marriage but the name” decision pleased some and angered others, resulting in many heated opinions about same-sex unions in specific, and homosexuality in general, to be bruited in countless public forums.

      Thanks to her oft-aired opinion that homosexuals are a “mistake of nature,” radio’s Dr. Laura Schlessinger became one of the targets of those of pro-gay sympathies looking for someone to shake a finger at.
      Dr. Schlessinger has attracted both adherents and detractors during her years of public life. Through her radio show, she dispenses advice to callers, usually from a conservative point of view. She was an Orthodox Jew at the time the letter quoted above was written (but she announced her renunciation of that faith on her show in July 2003) and often draws upon the Bible or religious teachings for guidance. She is blunt and forthright in her replies, viewing most situations as inherently black or white, right or wrong.

      Laura Schlessinger is neither a medical doctor nor accredited in a discipline one would traditionally look to for the generation of expertise in moral, societal, or spiritual matters (such as divinity, psychology, or sociology). She earned her doctorate in physiology from Columbia University and practiced as a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor for more than a decade (although her California Marriage Family and Child Counseling license has been inactive for several years).

      In 1998 nude photos of Laura Schlessinger were displayed on the Internet. During the commotion over those pictures, their source was revealed  to be veteran Los Angeles radio broadcaster Bill Ballance, a man who was pivotal in getting Schlessinger her start in radio. Ballance claimed he photographed her in 1978, while the pair of them were having an affair during Schlessinger’s first marriage.

      Some see Schlessinger’s use of “Doctor” as misleading and view her current stance on the sanctity of marriage and the wrongness of adultery as hypocrisy in light of her decades-earlier affair. Others believe the title of “Doctor” should not be restricted only to those in the medical field and hold that people can change over time, even to the point of full repudiation of previous behaviors and beliefs.

      Dr. Laura is as controversial as she is popular, so she attracts both bouquets and brickbats whenever topics she is known to harbor strong opinions about become part of the day’s news. Thus, those looking for someone to crow at over Vermont’s recognition of same-sex unions would have quickly thought of Dr. Laura.

      The “letter” to Dr. Laura may or may not have actually been sent to her, but in any case it is best read as an essay offering a counter to the “homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says so” argument. Though it purports to be addressed to just one person (Dr. Laura), it is clearly meant for a general audience.  The authorship of the letter is still a bit of a mystery, although the name “Kent Ashcraft” (or “J. Kent Ashcraft”) keeps coming up.

      Confusing the issue further, because the letter has been circulated as widely as it has in e-mail, in some versions the signature blocks of forwarders have come to be part of the mailing, leading those who receive those versions farther down the line to assume those people were the writers of the piece. Then there’s the case of Jim Kauffman; his signature was deliberately appended by someone without his knowledge, causing him to receive many a phone call and e-mail from those who have taken him for essay’s author.

      In August 2003 a journalist for the Halifax Daily News presented the Dr. Laura letter” as her own writing. For presenting the piece in her column as her own by signing it “Yours truly, Jane,” reporter Jane Kansas was fired from that publication. (Her version also changed “Dear Dr. Laura” to “Dear Holy Father” plus added some local references.)

      The question of authorship aside, this May 2000 piece struck a note with many people, and by June and July of that year it had made its way into a number of newspapers, including the Knoxville News-Sentinel (7 June), Seattle Weekly (8 June), OC Weekly (9 June), The [Syracuse] Post-Standard (11 June), [Madison] Capital Times (13 July),  and the Modesto Bee (22 July).  Most often the letter was acknowledged as an interesting item gleaned from the Internet, but in a few cases the readers who sent it to newspapers presented it as their own words, which serves to make the question of who actually wrote it even harder to answer.

      The key to this essay is its premise, not the pedantic details of it of how it is defended. Simply put, the letter points out a logical flaw in the “homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says so” argument: if homosexuality is wrong because it goes against God’s law as outlined in the Bible, why aren’t any number of activities now viewed as innocuous but once regarded as unacceptable also offenses against God’s law? How can one part of Leviticus be deemed as etched in stone when other parts have been discarded as archaic?

      The essay completes with the sarcastic rejoinder, “Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.” While this is presented as a rebuke meant for just one, it is a general reminder that many belief systems pick and choose their way through Biblical teachings in determining what is right and what is wrong, with those assessments changing over time even within sects that pride themselves on strict adherence to the Good Book.

      In early October 2000, Dr. Schlessinger, ran a full-page ad in Variety offering an apology for what she called “poorly chosen” words about homosexuality. She had previously referred to gays as “biological errors” and “deviants,” as exemplified by her remarks of 8 December 1998:

      I’m sorry – ; hear it one more time, perfectly clearly: If you’re gay or a lesbian, it’s a biological error that inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex. The fact that you are intelligent, creative and valuable is all true. The error is in your inability to relate sexually intimately, in a loving way to a member of the opposite sex – ; it is a biological error.

      October 2000 was not Dr. Laura’s month. A few weeks after she issued her apology, a version of the “Letter to Dr. Laura” was incorporated into the 18 October episode of the political television drama The West Wing. In “The Midterms”, President Bartlet used his own detailed knowledge of the Bible to make a Schlessinger-esque character named Jenna Jacobs look ridiculous.

      Just as the Internet piece gave the West Wing writers fodder for a memorable scene, so did the exposure on a popular television show boost the online circulation of the “Letter to Dr. Laura”.  Similarly, the 2004 brouhaha over gay marriage sparked a renewal of this e-missive, causing it to once again be flung from inbox to inbox.

      In the wake of President George W. Bush’s election to a second term, in the fall of 2004 the piece was circulated yet again, this time addressed “Dear President Bush” rather than “Dear Dr. Laura.” Following the “Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging” close of the Dr. Laura letter, the updated version addressed to the President continued “It must be really great to be on such close terms with God and his son, even better than you and your own Dad, eh?”
      I guess the point is that whomever wrote the purported letter and whom ever it was directed to is really irrelevant.  The real story is the brilliant sarcastic content of the letter.
      However, the letter story gives me an opportunity to “bash” Dr. Laura.
      Here’s what I discovered about the woman on Wikipedia:

      In the mid-1970s while working in the labs at USC, she met Lewis G. Bishop, a professor of neuro physiology who was married and the father of three children.  According to divorce filings, Schlessinger and Bishop began an affair. Bishop left his wife and moved in with Schlessinger. They lived together as an unmarried couple for approximately nine years, and Schlessinger tried to get pregnant after reversing an earlier tubal ligation and suffering an ectopic pregnancy. Bishop and Schlessinger married in early 1985 with Schlessinger announcing at the wedding that she was pregnant. Schlessinger bore their only child, Deryk Schlessinger, in November 1985, when she was 38. Her son enrolled in Hillsdale College in the fall of 2002; he subsequently left college and joined the United States Army under its 18x Special Forces contract program.

      Schlessinger was estranged from her sister for many years, and had not spoken to her mother for 18 to 20 years before her death in 2002. Schelssinger’s mother’s body was found in her Beverly Hills condo approximately two months after she died from heart disease. In 2006, Schlessinger wrote that she had been attacked in a “vulgar, inhumane manner by media types” because of the circumstances surrounding her mother’s death, and that false allegations had been made that she was unfit to dispense family values advice. She explained that she had not mourned the deaths of either of her parents because she had no emotional bond to them. She described her father as “petty, insensitive, mean, thoughtless, demeaning and downright unloving”. Her mother, she said, had “pathological pride”, “was never grateful and would always find something to criticize,” and “constantly expressed disdain for men, sex and love”. She credited her father with being charming, with giving her the drive to succeed, and said her mother was beautiful as a young woman. She said her mother was the one who broke off their relationship.

      Schlessinger had not been a believer in religion until she and her son began practicing Conservative Judaism in 1996. In 1998, Schlessinger, Bishop, and their son converted to Orthodox Judaism, and began instruction under Rabbi Reuven P. Bulka of Ottawa, Ontario. During this time, Schlessinger sometimes used Jewish law and examples to resolve the moral dilemmas of her callers. She occasionally clarified ethical and moral issues with her local Orthodox Rabbi Moshe D. Bryski, before mentioning them on the air. She was embraced by many in the politically-conservative segment of Orthodox Judaism for bringing more awareness of Orthodoxy to her radio show. Some of her expressed views were explicitly religious, and are referenced her 1999 book The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life. Although her other books have stressed the importance of morality, they are more secular in nature.

      In July 2003, Schlessinger announced on her show that she was no longer an Orthodox Jew. In a series of monologues following that announcement, she explained that she did not feel a connection with God, and felt frustrated by the effort she had put into following the religion. Her religious approach on the show lessened substantially after this announcement. In December 2006, she stated that she was outraged that a Rabbi was demanding that a menorah be put in the Seattle International airport adjacent to a Christian holiday display. Schlessinger then said that she would be putting a Christmas tree up in her own house.

      What in the world does this religiously-confused adulteress from an extremely dysfunctional family think makes her qualified to judge others, or dispense advice about morality, relationships, religion, or anything else?
      One Web site believes that Dr. Laura should win the “Rush Limbaugh Award For Excellence In Conservative Hypocrisy”, saying:
      [W]hat Dr. Laura says on her radio show; the “advice” she gives to the many people who come to her for help seems to heavily conflict with the way Dr. Laura has lived and continues to live her life. This has led me to conclude that Dr. Laura has another personality, who for the purposes of this bit we shall name “Ms. Schlessinger”. Consider the evidence…

      Exhibit A: Family Values

      Dr. Laura says… that family is the most important thing. She is big on emphasizing the commandment about “Honor thy Mother and Father” and the importance of families to women who do thing such as complain about overbearing mothers and mothers-in-law or unattentive boyfriends and husbands.

      But Ms. Schlessinger …

      A.) has not spoken to her mother since the late 80′s.

      B.) “does not see much” of her younger sister (to quote her Husband).

      C.) hired her mother as a secretary. She quit after Laura told her to “learn how to type”.

      D.) has enocuraged her husband to forget his family… “My husband HAD a prior family. And I figured I went through 12 hours of labor and a C-section. I figured, I’m going to name this thing anything I want, and I said, ‘Lew, do you have any problem with the last name Schlessinger? ‘ He said, ‘No.’”

      E.) speaks out against birth control in any form, and yet has had her tubes tied.

      F.) shows an open disrespect for women who choose to have children AND jobs. And yet she is herself a working mother.

      Exhibit B: The Sanctity of Marriage

      Dr. Laura says… you should save yourself for marriage, stay married once you are married and that adultery is just plain wrong and that women who sleep around are “sluts”.

      But Ms. Schlessinger …

      A.) has admitted to having sex before marriage in college.

      B.) is herself divorced, despite enocuraging many disatisfied wives to stand by their men, no matter what. (1)

      C.) had an affair with another man while she was married.

      D.) had an affair with her current husband while he was with his previous wife.

      Exhibit C: The Matter of Religion

      Dr. Laura says… that differing faith marriages are wrong and that a person should live by the Ten Commandments.
      But Ms. Schlessinger …

      A.) is married to a man who isn’t Jewish.

      B.) has broken the commandment about “bearing false witness” in regard to the nude photos of her. On 10/29/98 she issued a statement through her lawyer saying that the photos are fake. They couldn’t exist because none were ever taken. She later admitted that they were real.

      Exhibit D: Ethical Conduct and Whining

      Dr. Laura says… honesty is important. She also tells people who ask her for help to stop whining.
      But Ms. Schlessinger …

      A.) lied about the nude pictures of her.

      B.) promotes her show as if she were qualified to give statments upon mental health. The truth is, Ms. Schlessinger’s doctorate is in physiology. Not psychology or psychiatry. Physiology. About the only thing Dr. Laura is officially qualified to do is teach Physical Education in Jr. High.

      C.) took $30,000 for a speaking engagement, where she treated her hosts rudely and complained non-stop about everything possible.
      In summary, I have a strong dislike for sanctimonious, self-righteous, “holier-than-thou” hypocrites and I savor the schadenfreude I feel when such a person is exposed.


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